Speaking at the first conference in the United States devoted entirely to sibling sexual trauma and abuse (SSTA) is something I’ll never forget
Yes, you read that right. It was 2026, and this was the first one in the U.S. Ever.
For forty minutes, my husband Dave joined me from London via Zoom while I stood on a stage in New York. Rather than giving a traditional presentation, we simply had a conversation about what surviving sibling sexual abuse looks like inside a long-term marriage. We talked about communication, conflict, parenting, intimacy, and how trauma has shaped our relationship over the past 36 years.
Afterward, a young couple came up to speak with me. They had a one-year-old and a four-year-old and were trying to figure out what to do about her family. Should her brother be part of their lives? Should he be around their children? Should they continue going to family gatherings if he is there? How do you protect your kids without losing your whole family?
As they talked, I couldn’t help thinking that they were where Dave and I had been decades ago. The details were different, but I recognized the same fear, uncertainty—and the fierce anger he had toward her family and brother.
That conversation reminded me why this conference mattered.
Organized by 5WAVES, the Sibling Sexual Trauma & Abuse: Breaking the Silence Conference put lived experience front and center. Survivors and parents shared what they’d lived through while researchers, clinicians, and advocates listened and learned. I’ve never been to a conference that was so survivor-centered.
There were sessions on disclosure, healing, parenting, advocacy, and life after abuse. Several featured mothers whose child had harmed one of their other children. Their perspective is one we rarely hear, and I thought they were incredibly brave to share their story.
I watched one woman burst into tears when she finally met the author whose book had helped her feel understood. It reminded me how powerful it is to discover you’re not the only one.
For me, one of the most powerful parts of the day was finally meeting the survivors and mothers I’d spent the past eighteen months working alongside to make this conference a reality. We’d shared countless Teams meetings, emails, and planning sessions, but meeting—as the kids say—IRL felt like seeing friends who understood me in a way few people can.
As I listened throughout the day, I was struck by how similar our stories were.
Many of us weren’t believed when we disclosed the abuse. Many of us grew up in families where parents sided with the sibling who caused the harm, asking us to forgive, forget, or simply move on. Many of us have lived with physical symptoms long after the abuse ended. Some have been threatened with lawsuits or cease-and-desist letters for telling our stories publicly. And almost all of us kept the secret for years because we believed speaking up would destroy our families—and us.
The details of our stories were different, but the patterns were heartbreakingly familiar. So many survivors feel like they’re the only one. When no one talks about sibling sexual abuse, it’s easy to believe your story is unique. It isn’t.
My hope is that everyone who attended left feeling a little less alone, a little more understood, and a little more empowered to keep telling their truth.
If you or someone you know has been impacted by sibling sexual trauma & abuse, please visit 5WAVES for resources and support.
No one wants to belong in this club. But if you do, you don’t have to walk through it alone.
